Widowmaker Heavy Lascannon

Hey there, soldier. You havin' trouble keepin' your cannon firing on the battlefield? Feelin' like your firepower just ain't what it used to be? Well, listen up, 'cause I got news for you.
You might be sufferin' from Out of Ammo Syndrome, or OOA for short. It's a common problem that affects soldiers of all ages, but it don't mean you gotta hang up your guns for good.
Nah, see, what you need is the Widowmaker Laz Cannon. This baby'll keep you firing strong and steady, no matter what the enemy throws your way. Just mount it on your trusty Hunter Chassis, and you'll be ready to take on anything.
The Widowmaker's advanced targeting systems and potent energy output are like a shot of adrenaline for your firepower. You'll be blastin' through enemy armor and monstrous foes like a hot knife through butter.
Now, I know what you're thinkin'. "But I've tried other weapons before, and they just don't work for me." Well, that's where Pactum Mercatorum comes in. They've been helpin' soldiers like you and me for years, and they know what it takes to keep you in the fight.
So don't let OOA Syndrome keep you from bein' the best soldier you can be. Talk to your Pactum Mercatorum specialist about the Widowmaker Laz Cannon today. With their help, you'll be back to feelin' like your old self in no time.
And remember, when you choose the Widowmaker, you're choosin' to take control of your battlefield performance. So don't wait another minute. Get your hands on the Widowmaker Laz Cannon and show the galaxy what you're made of.
Pactum Mercatorum - helpin' soldiers keep their cannons firin' strong since... well, a long damn time ago.

Widowmaker Laz Cannon is not for everyone. Do not use Widowmaker if you are allergic to high-energy particle beams or have a history of friendly fire incidents. Common side effects may include temporary blindness, ringing in the ears, and an overwhelming sense of power. In rare cases, users may experience delusions of grandeur, megalomaniacal tendencies, and a sudden desire to conquer the known universe. Prolonged exposure to the Widowmaker may result in addiction to the thrill of battle and an insatiable thirst for destruction.
Widowmaker is not recommended for use by children, civilians, or anyone with a moral compass. Pactum Mercatorum is not responsible for any war crimes, planetary devastation, or existential crises caused by the use of the Widowmaker Laz Cannon.
Use only as directed. If you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours, seek immediate medical attention, as this may be a sign of a serious condition known as "Battle Lust." Consult your commanding officer before using Widowmaker in conjunction with other weapons of mass destruction.
By using the Widowmaker Laz Cannon, you agree to hold Pactum Mercatorum harmless for any and all consequences of your actions. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility, but that's for nerds. You're a soldier, and you've got a job to do.

will update when I'm able to print. until then, let me know how it goes for ya.